Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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