I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
