You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
