just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
