Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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