So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
