Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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