my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Shame is for Republicans.
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