Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Houston, we have a squirter
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
