my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
