Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
