Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
