if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize