It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize