Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
