i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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