I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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