some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
