Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
