he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
