I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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