Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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