Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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