hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
