I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
