I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
