I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
