as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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