He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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