we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
