Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
