I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
