Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
