There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
vagina is talking i cant
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
