God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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