oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
