As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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