i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
