Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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