His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
