im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
