Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
