I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
