im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
