So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
