i think my tv is drunk
from now on my penis is your penis
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
