I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
