sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
