Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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