Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
