Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
