I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
BRING THE BAGELS
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize