are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
