nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
