I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
