I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize