i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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