i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
