So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
