I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
