I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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