You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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