just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
