Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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