how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
