After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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