How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
