I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize